Thursday, August 30, 2007

God is so Amazing

I had a whole other topic for today but at around 3 am I awoke and so did my husband. As we talked he shared with me that he had found something in his classroom at church that I would be very interested in. He found a "little watchman." I was totally amazed. Even now, I am beside myself, thinking about how much Jesus loves me, knows my needs, and chooses to meet them, even when I have not specifically asked Him to. You may be wondering what has any of this got to do with God and my needs. Read on.

I am the mother of five children. Four boys and one girl. My little Maylah being the youngest. All children come from two parents but believe me they are all very different people. They all go through and grow through developmental stages at different rates and different times. One stage that I have been most challenged by is the night time training of making it dry in undies. This was a huge challenge with my oldest son. By the age of 7 we were getting him up at 11 pm to go potty. Then he would still pee through a large pull up and wet the sheets. I didn't know what to do. Withholding water, etc didn't work. Then I found out about a private company who worked with children to train them to do what they have not naturally learned themselves. This program was very expensive and involved my son sleeping on this pad that was connected to this very loud alarm, called the little watchman. The whole point of the program was to train my son to recognize his need to go potty by waking him up every time he began to wet. This program took us about 3 months and felt like I had a new born again. Every time my son wet, he had to get up, turn off the watchman, go to the bathroom, splash his face with water, finishing going potty, go back to his room, change the pillowcase on the pee pad so the alarm would not ring, change into a new dry t shirt and go back to bed. So every night, not only did Quinton get up but so did I. Finally he began to learn the signal that was telling him he needed to get up and go potty. By the end of the 3rd month he was mostly now able to do that. We quit the program and gave back the little watchman but kept the pee pad.

Next comes son number 2. He trained on his own while I was working with son number one. From the age of 2 my second son has been fully night trained and has never had one accident. Next was my 3rd son. He was yet another challenge. He used to wake up in the middle of the night with night terrors and often times would also wet himself. I don't know if they were connected but we spent about 1-2 years climbing up to his bunk bed and holding, consoling, and praying for him. He never remembered any of this the next day. Some times he would even begin to sleep walk. But by the age of four he also was fully trained and the night time terrors were also gone.

Here we are now with my fourth son. He just turned 7 and is still wearing and wetting pullups. We've again tried all the usual methods like withholding water, getting him up by setting his clock alarm, etc. Again none of this is working. I've been talking with my husband about how we are going to solve this problem. Even though he pulls all his wet bed clothes off his bed and gets them into the laundry, this is getting old for us and for him. I had even just mentioned to my husband a few days again that perhaps I would pay my friends son, who is a techy, to build be a device that I could connect to the old pee pad that I had used with my oldest son. I have the capability to do so my self, being the technical woman that God has made me, but I no longer have the time or the desire to do so.

So when Karl comes home from church, with a little watchman, that he found in his room that he teaches Royal Rangers in, a room that he has used for the last 3 years but one that is not solely dedicated to him, a room that is used by many others at different times for different purposes, I am totally amazed. How could this little watchman have gotten into this room and forgotten about? For one thing, when you no longer needed the program for your child the company took the watchman back and left you with the pee pad only. The program will not work without the watchman.

What has any of this got to do with coming out of the life style? Well if my God is big enough to know not only my needs but also the needs of my children and provide for me a "little watchman" so that I can help my youngest son get command over his night time issues He is a big enough God to work in your life to give you full freedom to come out of the life style. I'm not talking about helping you to choose a different behavior even though that is your part of the process. Jesus is big enough to meet you in those secret places of hurt, in those places where you may have believe a lie about yourself, etc. Jesus knows you, in fact He is pursuing you even now. He knows best how to meet your needs and when to meet them. He will ask you to Trust Him and follow Him. Your part is to do just that, Trust Him and follow Him. You will never regret it and will be deeply blessed in doing so.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6-7)

1And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19)

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Random Thoughts

I've been musing lately about things from my past. The things that God has done for me or lead me through that have been a great benefit to me. One thing that stands out is how God has helped me to relate to both sexes in a beneficial way. The relearning, or perhaps, new learning that has been coming to mind most is how Jesus gave me a safe environment to learn how to have beneficial relationships with women.

I had been attending Green Valley Christian Church and as God lead me out of the life style and into a married relationship, He gave me my vary own incubator to practice being in same sex relationships that were right and a glory to Him. I knew how to view women as an object of meeting my lusts and desires, wants and needs. I also knew how to hate women whom I viewed as weak based upon my own weaknesses and view of my own femininity. Here God placed me smack dab in the middle of a little church with wonderful Godly women.

Just like learning a new sport you have to practice to get good at it. I was in twice a week practices and in some weeks more often. Green Valley had a group of woman that anyone would aspire to spend time with. These were Godly women whom loved God, walked with Him daily, and desired to serve Him. As I shared my story and started to get to know some of these women God allowed me some closer more intimate relationships with a few of them.

For me to be in this environment was very intimidating. I did not know how to give and take in a relationship with women. I didn't understand the blessings that same sex relationships that God intended for us. All I knew is, if I opened myself up to these woman, knowing that what I knew how to do best was un-Godly, I could be taken over by old patterns of behavior and put me and any one of these women in a compromising situation. I did not want that. I just wanted it to all be OK. God did too, but He had some things for me to learn, thus the incubator.

If you knew me at all you would know that I'm a woman who is serious about everything. I tend to live in my head and to focus on achieving an objective in front of me is a natural. Although sometimes I cannot see the forest through the trees. Thus my approach in relating to a few of these Godly women was very straight forward. I told them that I wanted to pursue a relationship with them but needed to be sure that they did not struggle, at all, with same sex attractions. I told them that I could not yet trust myself in our relationship and in fact may try to kiss them at some point. I needed to know that they would help me learn to relate properly and not take advantage of my weaknesses. Now mind you, I did not say this to every single woman that I was in contact with. Only those few that I knew were in a place that I wanted to get to with Jesus. Only those few that I felt safe enough to talk to so openly. Only those few whom I knew I already had some what of an attraction to that could lead to an un-Godly relationship.

Thus over the next few years I had the opportunity and privilege to be with these Godly women. To work on committees with them. To learn how to raise my children with them. To learn how to be married. To meet with them for tea, coffee, and the like. To spend time with them learning God's Holy Word (which is my saving grace even today). To learn to pray with them for myself and others, and the list goes on. These women invited me into their lives and allowed me the opportunity to practice relating to them in a way that glorifies God. I did make mistakes and they continued to love me. What a blessing it has been. To bring this little musing to an end without taking up much more space on this website. I'll summarize the gained learning from this incubator experience. I am now able to see others, particularly women, as gifts from God. All who are given a treasure of gifts and talents by Him. Some women you need to dig a bit to begin to see the wonder of who they are. It is always worth it to dig for you will be blessed by the diamond inside of that rough exterior. Not all women hide who they are. Some are resting in Christ and you can see them immediately. These are those who place their trust in Him and serve Him with their whole heart.

To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy--to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forever. Amen (Jude 24 & 25)

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Lessons from the 5th Wheel

In a life with Jesus Christ, nothing is wasted. Your mistakes, frustrations, failures, joys, and successes all are used by Him to conform you more to His image. Not sure what I'm talking about, read on!

My husband and I were given a 5th wheel, 35 feet long and it sleeps 8, which is one more than we have unless you count the dog. The only push was the 5th wheel was sitting in the yard of a house located in Michagan. We thought well the price of gas was more than worth it to get a free traveling motel. We already had the truck that could pull it and it is way better than tent camping with a two year old.

Knowing that in a matter of days we would have that 5th wheel back in Montana we made plans with some friends in CA to meet in OR to reconnect. The site was booked, the dates were set, all we needed to do was to get that 5th wheel here and get it packed for a weeks worth of fun.

I pulled out on a Monday and drove straight thru to WI to visit my Sister MB. My sons Julian, and Jethro were with me as well as my little Maylah girl. We arrived 25 hrs later and MB's pool was ready for use. A few days later I header over to MI to pick up the 5th wheel. My dad came along for the ride. I really had him come along in case there was some problem, I knew that he could fix it.

We arrived at the location of the 5th wheel with no troubles, met the current owners, discussed the best way to hook up and back this beast out of their back yard and get it on the highway. The hookup went smoothly and a little back and forth and we were out of the back yead and ready for our return trip.

Now I have never pulled a 5th wheel, in fact, I've never done anything with a 5th wheel except step inside a few that my friends have owned. Thus I was niavely believeing that all was well and good with this one. Little did I know that a 22 year old 5th wheel does not really travel well.

We arrived back in WI with little trouble. My children then cleaned out the 5th wheel from top to bottom. The following Monday we hooked up and headed for Montana. After a brief visit in Winona MN we head across the US. The winds were up strong that day. I had cracked the upper windows to let the inside of the 5th wheel air out. We happend to stop for gas and the sun was shining just right and I notice the screan moving in the breeze. Not a problem except that I shouldn't have seen the screen behind the windows. When I look a bit closer, I realize that the windows were completely gone. The strong wiinds had pulled them right out of their hardware and sent them flying , somewhere.

Oh well, I thought to myself. I just hope that it doesn't rain. As I continued down the rode I notice that the front side panel doors were not shut and were flapping in the wind. I pulled off at the next exit and discovered that the latches did not work. I pulled some bungies out and bungied the doors closed but with the bungy in the way they no longer sat flush and with the continued wind whipping them around began to rip apart such that the thin metal cover actually flew away from both panels leaving them in very poor condition.

We continued on anyway. We were almost home and headed thru Butte. We had just gone thru the city when the truck no longer had any power to pull and I coasted to the side of the road and called AAA. My transmission was dusted. I called my husband from the Tow shop, rented a car and drove home. We went back 5 days later to pick up the truck and 5th wheel hoping for no more delays. We knew that the 5th wheel needed new tires so we pulled straight into the local tire shop to have them put on. They told us that the main shock and spring on the left side was broken and wondered how we had ever made it from MI to here without major problems. So we paid for the new tires and a new main spring.

We got home, cleaned up a bit more, and loaded the 5th wheel for our trip. The trip was great and the time with old friends was remarkable. Our friends who are avid 5th wheelers showed us how to get the fridge and hot water heater running. We discovered that our sanitation tube was in need of replacement and the back door knob quit working. We hung a cloths line over the back door since we couldn't open it any way and spent a great week of fellowship with dear friends.

All things must come to and end so we packed up and headed back home. We did take a detore to see some more friends who lived in ID. After two days we were ready to head home. Again we packed things up and headed home.

We made it home with weary eyes but did so safely. The next day we moved the truck and 5th wheel to the side of the yard and left it until Wednesday. Wednesday evening my husband said he was going to unhook and block the 5th wheel as he needed the truck for work the next day. A few minutes later my oldest son came in and said that the pins that hold the jack to the crank had sheared off and that dad needed my help. It was quite the problem but with Karl's quick mind he had a solution. We used his truck jack to get the truck unhitched. The problem is that the 5th wheel's jack is in complete need of repair.

And the story will go on. What has this to do with coming out of the life style? Plenty. The challenges that we have faced with this 5th wheel that was supposed to be free has cost us more than we knew. When you give your life to Jesus you may think that all has been handeled and that you will never have a same sex attraction again. This could not be any farther from the truth.

In my life as a believer, I have seen a couple of people touched radically by God and healed and changed of all things in a moment. But more commonly, I've seen God lead the believer thru a path that takes them thru valleys and mountains, trials and successes, as He draws that believer nearer to Himself. This has been the path that He has taken me on. It is about the process as well as the end result, a changed life that fully glorifies Him. So like the 5th wheel, there may still be some things that need addressing. I don't worry about that, I trust in Him and know that He will do in me what is good and perfect when the time is right, His time. To Him be the glory. Amen.