Monday, July 27, 2009

Reflections - Exodus Conference July09 - Current Financial Struggle


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I was excited to come to the conference for a number of reasons but one of them was totally unrelated to this area of sexual brokenness, healing, or otherwise.  I was just relieved, for the moment to be out from underneath my current financial pressures.  Where I came  and was open to God working and moving in anyway He saw fit, I did not expect for God to address my current financial situation.

I listened as speaker after speaker talked of the reality of the time that it takes to overcome the pull that our past sexual lives have over us.  I know this first hand myself from my own journey with God then length of time it has taken for God to not only forgive me but give me the fullness of freedom that I experience today. 

Each speaker kept putting reframing the struggle in the lives of the people who came to this conference in light of both the years spent in a place of sexual sin but also in light of eternity itself.  Why would we expect to spend just a moment of struggle to over turn often times many years in a place of sexual sin.  Why would we also through away our opportunity with God just because he does not give us the fullness of freedom we desire in a moment when in light of eternity with Him these struggles are really only momentary like it says often in the book of 1 Peter.

As I kept listening to this reframing of perspective God began bringing to mind to me my attitude of "why me, poor me, I didn't choose this place, you brought me to this place, why can't an all powerful God just change my circumstances in my finances and let me alone, doesn't He love me, etc.?"

Now I was not actively voicing these things to God but I was pondering them and it is impacting my ability to find joy in the circumstances that I am in.  It had not occurred to me to apply what I have learned from His leading me out of a place of sexual brokenness and confusion to this area of my life.  There were so many things that I have learned from the journey out of the lifestyle that have given me tools to continue to use in that area as I come across temptation that I would not trade that journey for anything.  I just wanted the easy way out.

Thus I have accepted and continue to accept this place that I find myself in.  As I continue to be weak and struggle with the reality of this difficult financial place, I will continue to invite God into this place that I would draw ever nearer to Him.  That is my desire to know Him more intimately and if this is the road that will bring that about then this is the road that I will continue to walk on. 

Posted via web from jenniferthorne's posterous

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