Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Reflections - Exodus Conference July09 - God has/is Compensating Me


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I had the privilege of attending two workshops given by Sy Rogers.  He also did one of the general sessions.  I had heard of him for years but had never been exposed to his teachings.  They were amazing and he is truly a blessing to the body of Christ and a glory to Jesus.  In the workshop sessions Sy was talking about the 9 factors he has discovered that cause sexual relational problems to develop.  He also has another teaching of the 9 principles of redeeming our sexuality. 

As I sat through all his sessions I was amazed at how he was describing all the things that God has taken me through in my journey with Jesus.  I could not have produced this teaching but I have personally experienced each thing Sy identified both in the area of the development of my sexual relational struggles and how God has redeemed my sexuality. 

One of the 9 principles that Sy talks about is forgiveness.  This was not new to me but what was new was the idea that our need for justice demands that we receive compensation.  Thus when we choose to forgive someone, we are saying in reality, "I will not require you to pay your debt to me."  When we do forgive we go to Jesus and leave the Justice up to Him.  He will bring us the proper compensation as we forgive those who should really owe us compensation.  In God sweet way He will bring about His compensation for the losses that we have received.

As I have reflected upon this it has brought to mind this personal example in my own life with Him.  I grew up a wild child, at least that is what it felt like.  Not that I was a wild child but that my parents, trying their best, left us alone much of the time.  They did the best they could and to their credit I knew that I was loved and belonged to my family.  There were many things missing in my growing up life and one of those areas was related to school and being involved in activities through school supported, encouraged, and guided by my parents. 

As I have grown older, found much healing in Jesus, and now have my own family, I'm finding that God is redeeming those lost years in a profound way.  I have five children and Karl and I go to every function at school for all of my children.  We happen to be on the school campus a lot.  Actually I don't think that there is ever a function at school that does not involve us because we have so many, at least it feels that way.  One of the first things that the Lord gave me, as compensation, was a special first year of Transitional Kindergarten with my oldest son, Quinton.  That first year of school I was allowed to join the classroom every Friday.  My 2nd son Julian was allowed to come with me, which made this possible.  He was mature enough to sit in the class room and not be disruptive.  Thus for a full year, I got to be involved in Quinton's class room, go on all the field trips, get to know all of his classmates, watch both sons grow in this environment, and I also got to know many of the parents on a first name basis.  I had so much fun that year.  I thought that this was how school was supposed to be.  The next year I found out that it is not.  I had another child which changed the dynamics of my family.  In fact, I have never had another year like my first one.  This was such a blessing to me.  this gave me such encouragement and hope for my own family.

Along those same lines there are many school assemblies and school programs that are put on for the parents by the children.  As I have attended those assemblies, I would always cry as God has ministered to me.  Even though I go to those assemblies for my children, God has used them to bring me compensation for the losses that I experienced in my own life.  When we moved to MT and my children began attending Valley Christian School God seemed to move me more profoundly.  With each assembly and each year I would just sit there and weep, weep, weep.  You would think that I would remember the tissues, but I never did.  There I would be again, eyes tearing, nose running, hands wiping, me sniffling.  It was a messy scene.  My husband would often times notice, look at me with a gentle smile, perhaps run my arm or shoulder.  What a comfort God was being to me and for me, all while I was doing what I believed to be best for my own children.  There did come a day when the weeping subsided.  It took many years but most of the time now I can go to a school function and enjoy the moment with my children knowing that I no longer feel those losses.  I'm sure there will be more things in the future.  God has given me a daughter and we love being the "girls."  I believe that God will continue redeeming my losses and compensating me through Maylah Rose as she grows in her life.  There was so much I did not experience growing up as I rejected my own femininity.  This is not a problem for Maylah.  She is all girl and rough and tumble.  She loves being a girl, thinks it is uniquely special, that the boys are missing out because they are not girls, and we have our own little girls club.  She does love her brothers while fully embracing the reality that God has made her a girl and will soon grow her into a woman.  Many things to look forward to.

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